John and Lisa's Dayly News

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Odds & Ends & Just Plain Fun

Let it never be said that God doesn't have a sense of humor!

Praise the Lord!

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said, "Praise the Lord," and to stop when he said, "Amen". The preacher mounted the horse, said, "Praise the Lord" and went for a ride.

When he wanted to stop for lunch, he said, "Amen".

He took off again, saying, "Praise the Lord".

The horse started going toward the edge of the cliff. The preacher got excited and said, "Whoa!". Then he remembered and said, "Amen", so the horse stopped at the edge. The preacher was so relieved that he looked up to heaven and said, "Praise the Lord!"

Lesson in Lying

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Why do we never hear this in church?

1) Hey! It's MY turn to sit in the front pew!

2) I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.

3) Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

4) I've decided to give our church our tithe this month instead of the TV evangelist. 

5) I volunteer to be the permanent teacher of the Sunday School class.

6) I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

7) Since we're all here, let's start the worship service early!

Who Is He?

 
 
 

God's Email

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was
going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time. When she
returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, he thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male
angel; to get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him
to Earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told
him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.

God said this was not good. He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good and
encourage them, a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said?

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 --

 -- 

Oh, didn't you get yours?

Match The Facts

The Death of Jesus

See answers below

Match the number of the fact on the left with its match on the right.

1.  I put Jesus' body in my tomb.  Matthew 27:59-60. ____ Simon
2.  I had Jesus flogged.  Mark 15:15. ____ When Jesus died
3.  I carried the cross for Jesus.  Matthew 27:32. ____ Barabbas
4.  I put a crown of thorns on Jesus' head.  Matthew 27:27-29. ____ Centurion
5.  I was crucified next to Jesus.  Matthew 27:38. ____ Pilate
6.  Darkness came over all the land at this time.  Matthew 27:45. ____ Golgotha
7.  There was an earthquake at this time.  Matthew 27:50-51 ____ Judas
8.  Place Jesus died.  John 19:17-18 ____ Joseph
9.  The high priest who charged Jesus with blasphemy.  Matt. 26:57-65. ____ A garden
10.  Pilate released me instead of Jesus.  Mark 15:15. ____ The crowd
11.  Place Jesus was buried.  John 19:41-42 ____ Robber
12.  The Apostle who betrayed Jesus.  John 18:2 ____ Caiaphas
13.  Said "Surely this man was the son of God".  Mark 15:39 ____ Peter
14.  Shouted "Crucify him".  Mark 15:14-15 ____ Sixth hour
15.  Denied Jesus three times.  Mark 14:72

____ Soldier

1 Peter 3 Word  Scramble

mibsut

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
rnoitasdeec___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
bniesslg___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
pytcaehtsim___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
lbhmue___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
reatsh___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
rheogusti___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
vreree___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
isrtch___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
eeiurnrortcs___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
tgenuo___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
deslnra___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
ealsng___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
etasrhotuii___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
maraabh___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
rfghntdeie___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
otrnuiguhse___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
epcster___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
raahs___ ___ ___ ___ ___
hiavoreb___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Answers

Match The Facts

 

3 Simon

7 When Jesus died

10 Barabbas

13 Centurion

2 Pilate

8 Golgotha

12 Judas

1 Joseph

11 A garden

14 The crowd

5 Robber

9 Caiaphas

15 Peter

6 Sixth hour

4 Soldier

Word Scramble

 

Submit

Considerate

Blessing

Sympathetic

Humble

Hearts

Righteous

Revere

Christ

Resurrection

Tongue

Slander

Angels

Authorities

Abraham

Frightened

Unrighteous

Respect

Sarah

Behavior

CD of the Month

For your monthly gift of any amount, you will receive our CD of the month,

YHWH or the Highway

Titles are: Hidden in Christ, When You Saw That Man Today, On Your Way To Church, You Have Done It Not, Don't You Know, No Good Samaritan For Me, And We Call THEM Retarded, Be A MASH, Jesus Lives In Jail, A Matter Of Perspective, Who Do You Think You're Toolin', and YHWH Or The Highway. 

Sample song: Jesus Lives In Jail

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